Naruto Zombie Survival Plan
by dusk-pixie
Summary: Random *short* drabble for darkgodess. Sasuke and Naruto in a post-apocalyptic zombified world. Tags: au, complete, crack, humour, oneshot, supernatural/fantasy, zombies.


Naruto and Sasuke carefully peeked through the curtain slats of the abandoned shop that they had camped in overnight. Finally, the watery sunlight was trickling onto the chaotic mess that had once been the main street of the town. Naruto exhaled heavily, relief setting in - they'd made it through another night, which was no mean feat since the zombies had taken over nearly a week ago.

"Come on, we should make use of the light while it lasts," said Sasuke, heading to the door. As long as the sun was up, it was relatively safe to move around as the zombies seemed to dislike going into the sunlight. No one really knew where they disappeared to during the day, and Sasuke suspected that no one really cared at this point - everyone was more concerned about scavenging whatever supplies they could before the night brought the zombies out to play again.

As Sasuke headed for the door, Naruto followed along without protest. Stepping out onto the empty street, he said in a voice that seemed to echo far too loudly for Sasuke's comfort, "Where do you reckon they all went?"

"Who?" Sasuke said distractedly, busy rummaging through the glove box of an abandoned car, hoping to find a spare key or a weapon of some kind.

"Duh, the zombies. Who else?" Naruto replied, his tone indicating his low opinion of Sasuke's response.

"Don't know, don't care," Sasuke said as he contemplated trying to hotwire the car, not that he knew how. _But_, he reasoned, _as a former chemist, surely I could work it out._

Naruto watched him lean over to the driver's side and start to pry away the dashboard. He was just about to offer some advice to Sasuke, when instead he dropped to the ground, scooting over to the protection of the car. sliding in alongside Sasuke, he clamped a hand over the brunet's mouth and whispered urgently, "There's a zombie passing us _right_outside the car." Sasuke's eyes widened and there was a slight nodding movement, almost imperceptible, that acknowledged Naruto's words and a second more passed before Naruto removed his hand.

There was a slow rhythmic shuffling as the undead being passed them by, seeming to take no notice of them. When it was about a hundred feet ahead of them, Naruto slowly stood up and Sasuke followed suit.

_Hmmm,_ Naruto thought, _I wonder where the zombies go during the day...?_Before Sasuke could object, he ducked out from behind the car and caught up to the zombie as it shuffled along, being careful to make no sound. Once he was no more than nine feet from the zombie, whose scent left a LOT to be desired, Naruto mimicked its posture, trying to look like one of the dead.

After a moment of hesitation and low growl of annoyance, Sasuke followed, catching up quickly. He reached out and managed to slip a hand into the waist band of Naruto's shorts, halting the blonde's progress; he was ready to bolt should the rotting, reanimated corpse catch sight of them.

Luckily, the zombie seemed focused (if they could be) on getting to its destination and never even became aware of the pair. _What the hell is his plan? Damn it. Bad plan, you dork. Whatever it is, it's a bad plan._Sasuke glanced down, a pink blush tinting his cheeks when he realised that Naruto had gone commando and was wearing no underwear, quickly releasing the waistband with a snap the moment the zombie rounded the next street corner.

"What the fuck, Naruto?" Sasuke said, anger changing his voice into a low hiss. "Are you _trying_to get us eaten?"

Naruto looked offended. "No, of course not. It was a part of my plan."

"And what plan would that be?" Sasuke asked with a glare.

"The follow-the-zombie-to-the-zombie-lair-and-destroy-them Zombie Survival Plan," Naruto replied triumphantly.

"Fucking bad plan. You have no weapons, you don't know if they can attack during the day. You aren't even organised enough to put on underwear, let alone organise an assault on the local zombie population," Sasuke said harshly.

Naruto was silent for a (very short) moment. He couldn't argue with Sasuke's logic, though he thought the comment about his lack of undergarments was unnecessary. Finally, he responded with the argument that he considered the Unbeatable Argument, winner of all verbal duels. "Dude, you should just be grateful that I was organised enough to get you out of that elevator. No one else stopped."

Sasuke clenched his teeth...Naruto was inarguably correct. On the evening of the zombie breakout, the power to his apartment block had been cut as he was travelling up in the elevator, halting the elevator between floors. Despite his increasingly desperate shouts for help, for almost four hours, other than the panicked cries of those he could hear of those on the floors above and below him, he received no response.

Finally, when he'd also given up on reaching the emergency shaft in the roof of the lift (which he found was too hard to be opened by a single person), he'd heard a thump as someone landed on the shuttle. The roof was pried open and a hand extended down.

"Sorry it took so long...I couldn't get to the elevator shaft with those monsters around, even though I could hear you down here," said the blonde, a small smile on his lips.

Sasuke had accepted the helping hand and they'd stuck together since.

Suddenly his annoyance drained away, and he huffed, "Okay, okay. Whatever. But no more zombie chasing. Instead why don't you help me figure out how to get one of these cars going?"

"Ah! That's what I was going to tell you before; I was a mechanic before the invasion of the undead. I can just hotwire it if you want."

Sasuke felt annoyance prickling once more. Counting to five in his head as he turned back to the car, he released the breath he'd been holding. "Well? Come on the, hurry up and let's get going. Maybe we can find a town with better supplies and more survivors if we go by car."

Naruto didn't reply, instead just heading over to the car to try and get it started. The thought of travelling by car, and potentially finding more people was way more motivating than trying to stalk a zombie; though secretly he held on to the thought that his plan hand been a good one which could be saved for future use.

-End-

I own no part of the Naruto world/characters, rights belong to Kishimoto. I make no profit from this fanfic.

x-x-x-x-x

So, I've been doing the zombie thing lately (literature, movies and tv shows) and after answering a poll by darkgodess over on y!gal, this little scene kept giving me the giggles and rolling around in my head (and I apologise for the...not so great drawing - I don't draw much anymore xD). Anyway, since it gave me some (much needed) giggles, I'm making the sketch and drabble a gift for the lovely darkgodess coz she basically inspired it with her poll You can see the sketch here: http : / dusk-pixie . livejournal . com / 5895 . html (without the spaces, of course!) If anyone wishes to colour - you are welcome to have at it, since I have nooo skills in that department at all xD


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